For some of you who have been reading my blog, firstly I want to say thanks so very much. It’s a little overwhelming. As I told a friend, I’m such a newbie (and a touch paranoid) that when I got notice that I had people actually reading, let alone following my blog, I panicked. I’m all like – hey – what are you doing there – what do you want from me – what’s going on? Oh… You just want to read my blog. I guess that’s okay then. Just don’t forget to take off your shoes before you come in.
See what I mean? Freaked out.
I had to do one of those resounding smacks to the forehead. Of course people are reading my blog. Isn’t that why I put it up there in the first place? If I didn’t want people to read it, I would have written in a little book with a unicorn on the cover and a flimsy metal lock that can be opened with a fingernail, and a key that one always misplaces. But to have actual, real live people reading my words… [oh crap – are they live – are they real – is it Skynet?] Did I say it’s a little overwhelming?
Of course now that November and NaNoWriMo is over, I start to have a little panic about keeping up this whole blog thing. Time is precious. The research on how long it takes habits to form is not precise. So even though I’ve been doing this for a few weeks now, it is far from a habit and I am far from comfortable. I also wonder if I’ll have anything worthwhile to say. So what I’m thinking about is inspiration.
I knew I wanted to talk about what I am interested in, what my life is about, what life is about, but other than that, I have no plan as was so resolutely declared in My First Blog Ever. What freedom. Ya. Right. Then the panic steps in. How am I going to find enough inspiration to keep going?
My answer after considerable soul searching? Don’t find it. Be it.
Be inspired. Be curious. Wonder. When you view the world that way you can’t help but find inspiration. It’s right there in front of your face. It’s everywhere.
I didn’t know I was going to write that blog about Effort, until I saw that picture. All my blogs about NaNoWriMo were obviously inspired by what was happening in my life. Even being an AWADJ (artist with a day job) presents paths of exploration that I might not have taken otherwise. There are others out there too, curious, thoughtful others who talk about interesting things, things they are passionate about sharing. My blog on Happiness was inspired by that. So in a way I borrowed someone’s inspiration and made it mine.
But still, is my shameful bout of navel gazing interesting enough for anyone to read? Am I kidding myself? Is this just a futile exercise, a lone voice in the wilderness, a grinding scream into the darkness of the void? Ironically, this void is full of stars; all shining, all glowing, all doing their best to entice many telescopes to swing their arm in their direction. How does anyone manage to hold a gaze long enough to accomplish this.
Yet some do. And for as many reasons as there are stars in the sky. Because humans at their core are curious creatures.
So all I can do is write about what inspires me. All I can seek is my own inspiration. In my writing and in my life. All I can try to be is inspired. And I thank you for your patience as I indulge myself and try to find my voice among the night sky of twinkling lights. Most of all I thank you for sharing my journey.